Jamaica Honeymoon - Day 2
Jamaican Honeymoon | Negril, Jamaica | Apollo Fields Destination Wedding Photographers
Jamaica – Day 2
8:00 am, local time
Another welcoming morning on the Caribbean Sea. The birds fluttering overhead, searching for scraps and seeds while Heather sits up in bed scratching at her mosquito bites. The waves crashing with a regular familiarity that’s impossible to forget, kind of like your mother calling you home for dinner from the front porch. Who knows what the world has in store for us today, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The first two nights Heather and I cooked and stayed in after dark. A combination of the mysterious foreign streets and a travel-induced fatigue, we drew a bath and enjoyed each other’s company in a tub of lukewarm water. There is a definite fear of the unknown, of sitting on a wooden stool in a straw shack on any of the thousands of dark streets in Jamaica. Horror stories from the United States embedded in me creating a hesitance like that of a lost child. I am ashamed for it. It makes me think of the role that caution plays when a person finds themselves in a different culture and how trust is linked to the environments that we know.
Heather’s uncle, Rick. is a great example of this. Conservative through-and-through, he comes down to Jamaica to shake hands and bask in the safety of nostalgia, eating dishes that he knows in bar stools that he’s warmed. Surrounding himself with other light-skinned tourists, there isn’t much difference than home, other than everything that exists outside of the Treehouse’s gated walls. When does caution or comfortability take too much control of one’s assimilation into another’s culture?
As of this morning, I’m as stifled as Rick. I want to stop at an authentic Jamaican restaurant tucked onto the side of the road like a beach shanty, but because I’ve seen none of them populated by tourists, deep down I consider them unsafe. It feels like a hard-wiring that pulls back on the reigns as I ride through a culture I do not know. Today, I will make a better effort at launching myself into the Jamaican culture and trusting those that I my ignorant instincts tell me not to trust. It’s funny how trusting people is usually my strongest attribute, yet when put to the real-world test, I’m as cautious as anyone.
Yet yesterday I jumped from cliffs at heights I’ve never leaped from before and snorkeled in rough waters close to dangerously sharp rocks. There’s an adventurous spirit in me that needs to be nudged into action, but once the opportunity arises, I tend to bypass the safety valve and dive head first. Even riding a scooter for the first time on the opposite side of the road was pretty daunting. In these moments, it’s either you do what you are afraid to do, or you live with your cowardice. The many times in life my that I’ve approached this dilemma, I’ve found that great relief lies just beyond the other side of fear, hiding behind the louder voices in your head, waiting to see if you will do it. Today I will silence those voices and immerse myself in a culture I do not know.
Farewell Colorado (For Now)
Farewell Colorado (For Now) | Apollo Fields Heads Eastward | NYC Wedding Photographers
Both of our going away parties began on picnic blankets in parks, surrounded by fresh fruit, local beer, and our closest friends. There were games and laughs, children, and sunshine. But as the days wore on, Heather and I grew closer to the reality of leaving with each farewell embrace. Lucky for me, this time around, I managed to avoid the emotional minefield of “this is the last time I will [insert memorable experience ‘x’] in [insert city ‘y’],” recognizing it as a self-imposed trap set on disturbing the logic of ambition and transition. Despite my valiant effort, both parties ended with me in tears.
I’m a long way from being ashamed of crying in public and even further from trying to hide it. I mean, what’s wrong with coming toe-to-toe with your emotions and ceding to their validity when they creep up behind your eyes? I actually find a problem in trying to suppress them. Because if we try to hide our feelings from our closest friends, then who can we be vulnerable with? In times of happiness and sadness alike, it is in our best interest to try to understand why we feel the way we feel.
In Colorado, my tears finally came when I hugged my friend, Brandon. Although only a friendship of a couple of years, the density and depth of our interactions has stretched our connection over what seems like many more. There is a candor in our exchanges that reflects contemplation and curiosity, the bedrock of understanding. If there’s anything I’ve learned from him, it’s that homemade bread will always be better than store bought. Making goods by hand is more than artistry, it is a source of value beyond our taste buds and aesthetic eyes. Thank you for teaching me this and for your friendship, Brandon.
To all of the others who came to see us off, I’ll never forget those last couple of weeks in Colorado. The Great American Beer Festival, Lake Street Dive at Red Rocks, the Rockies game, and finding a home for all of our beloved furniture. Carya and Thomas, Andy and Elaina, and Shane and Lexi, you all showed up when we needed you most and we barely had to ask. Large events like moving or weddings always bring people together and we aren’t just lucky or #blessed, we are #inyourdebt. Not like the bad kind of debt like student loans but the good kind of debt like owing your neighbor a cup of sugar or carton of eggs. The kind of debt that includes open door policies, late night pickups, and sending you home with a Tupperware of leftovers despite a bevy of polite refusals. I hope to be in debt to you all for a long time to come.
Finally, thank you to Frances & Bryce for sending us on the road with delicious food in our bellies. Whenever I think of Denver I will think of the mountains we climbed and the friends we climbed them with. Here’s to the friendships in our lives that make the Rockies look like molehills.
We're Making Big Moves!
To our dinner guests, climbers, fellow hikers, and craft beer drinkers,
...consider this our farewell, our “see you later” and the remorseful announcement of our departure from Arvada, Colorado.
To those of you in the front range of the Rockies, expect an invite to our going away party on Sunday, September 23rd, 2018, location and time TBD. Our official push off date will be September 28, 2018.
Huge transitions like these always make me feel dramatic, like it will be the last time I have this beer or hike this trail or do any of the other quintessential-and-eventually nostalgic activities of Denver that I will long for once I’m gone. Anytime my life changes this drastically my body fills with nerves, like I’m tiptoeing towards the edge of the high dive at the public pool all over again. The fear is real and paralyzing, “you should just turn back,” it says, but part of growing up is hearing that voice and diving head first into the deep end anyway.
Of course I will miss the breweries, the tubing trips, the dinner parties, and the lifelong friends we’ve met out here, but when a logical opportunity brings growth, family, and financial viability to the forefront, it’s hard to turn it down. I’ll think on these last two years in Colorado as the time where Heather and I mastered our ability to work together, both professionally and personally, while laughing up the roads into the mountains and floating down the rivers in between. I will think of the friends who we’ve hosted and the friends who’ve hosted us, especially the ones who took care of our canine and equine counterparts when we were away and kept them safe (the chickens were a different story…we still love you!!) Perhaps most of all I will miss having the silhouette of the Rockies as an everyday backdrop, always there to gaze upon while I let out an “it-gon’-be-alright” sigh as I listen to Kendrick on I-70.
And I know everything is going to be all right because it always is. Any of you who’ve spent any amount of time with me know that my optimism is as incessant as it is annoying because my positivity has all the love and no fucks to give. Heather and I will road trip across the country, get married in October, and then move to Long Island for a pit stop as we property hunt for a farm with a stone house and a fireplace. The idea of creating a wedding venue to celebrate love in all its forms while being surrounded by our animals and family is as close to a storybook as I think our lives can get. We aren’t just going to be all right, we’re going to continue being happy.
When Heather and I created The Immeasurable Cookbook we learned that the storytelling and photography was just as important as the recipes. It gave us the idea to combine her photography with my writing to launch Apollo Fields, our holistic approach to documenting weddings. As we now begin the search for our venue, Apollo Fields will evolve from capturing weddings to hosting them: planning everything from logistics to the shot list and all the unforgettable moments in between. Just like The Immeasurable Cookbook, the storytelling and photography at Apollo Fields will be just as important as the recipe, only this time we’re looking for the right couples rather than the right ingredients.
We invite you all to celebrate the things in life that make you happy even if this decision puts some geography between us. We invite you to follow us on our journey as we celebrate artistry, communication, love, and hard work in ours. Finally, we invite you to embark on your own trek into the unknown where nothing is familiar and everything is exciting.
To our next adventure,
Terrence, Heather, Rumor, Riddle, & Limbo
P.S. We've already booked weddings under Apollo Fields in Colorado next year. We will be back! If you are one of those couples, DO NOT WORRY, we're not tacking on travel fees or forgetting about you guys :)
P.P.S. We love traveling! Destination weddings are our jam. We are happy to work with your budget, so don't let our home-base keep you from reaching out! It doesn't matter if your wedding is in NYC, Denver, San Fran, The Italian Countryside, or The South Of France (a girl can dream, right) hit us up. We have some sweet connects in a lot of places that allow us to work as locals, which saves everyone money.
P.P.P.S. If anyone wants to buy our chicken coop, let us know. We put a lot of hard work into that bad boy and would love to see it go to a good home. Not joking...
Photo cred / magic goes to the unbeatable Sam Hines
Colorado Adventures That Make My Heart Smile
4.5.18 - Vital Root on Tennyson ~ 12 PM MT
We’re sitting at Vital Root after enjoying a well-crafted, fresh, lunch filled with flavor and crunch. There’s a woman breast-feeding out in the open and it’s kind of hard for me to focus, but here we go. Heather thinks that breast-feeding in public should be less stigmatized and a more common practice, and it does make sense in the same way that we should be more in tune with where our food comes from. As we distance ourselves or create social stigmas around human practices that have gotten us to where we are as a society, we are very literally losing some of the community associated with our humanity.
The last three days have felt like a vacation in Colorado: on Monday Heather and I lounged in the Mt. Princeton Hot Springs outside of Buena Vista; on Tuesday Heather rode Limbo and I climbed at Earth Treks in Golden; and on Wednesday David Miller and I carved down the slopes at Keystone and smiled and laughed in our descent. Each day contained moments of levity that are within a couple hours of our home in Arvada, providing us places of refuge and relaxation to panoramic summits and high speed descents with meandering roads and adventures in between.
The common thread running through all of them was a sense of gratitude that continuously left our lips. Heather and I were borderline tripping balls as we gazed to the sky in a creek side hot springs pool, thinking upon where we are both literally and psychologically. The strong sunrays, the quickly drifting clouds and the smell of the fresh green pines combined with the sound of the constant trickle of the cold creek over the warm rocks lured our minds towards serenity. The next day, clinking our glasses together at Kline’s Beer Hall after each of our endorphin sessions on horseback and climbing wall, respectively, made the pints go down that much easier. On the chair lifts and on the slopes, Miller and I smiled and laughed, asked and answered, and thought, felt and shared stories. When we plopped down into lounge chairs beneath the blinding high-noon sun we were billionaires, basking between snowcapped mountaintops gazing upon the best that the world has to offer. There is luxury and then there is gratitude and appreciation – without the latter, the former is empty and broken, but without the former, the heart can still smile.
It’s weird to think about a person meaning more to you than your longest friends, but David Miller has achieved such status. There is significance in the way he approaches conversations, welcoming the mundane and the magnanimous with an equal hand as if each holds equal importance. In a paradoxical way there is wisdom in understanding the whole spectrum and listening to each wavelength as you try to hone in on someone’s frequency. We all walk around with our own thoughts, suffering through our troughs and celebrating our crests, and it’s easy to forget that everyone around us has their own path but when you talk to Miller you feel like he’s listening in an attempt to sync up. Being completely in concert with another’s wavelength is more than likely impossible, but that’s how I felt on the mountain with Miller – and that’s what happens when you listen to a song that resonates with you; or when you somehow spend an hour or two in front of a piece in a museum. What I’m trying to say is when you find someone who tries to sync up with your wavelength, don’t let them go, because they don’t come around that often, and human connection is invaluable.
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3.2.18 - 5004 Cody Street ~ 1:05 AM MT
Heather told me tonight that she really appreciated my partnership today. She told me that she could count on me to tidy up the house, to research SEO stuff for Apollo Fields, and that trusting someone else to handle things isn’t easy for her. Since the beginning of our relationship we’ve always trusted each other because we haven’t given each other a reason not to. It’s wonderful that that reality is also seeping into the business partnership that we’re creating.
I know that few people are lucky enough to find a significant other whom they can communicate with, work with, and even enjoy being with for a long period of time. Often times it’s hard enough to even get along with yourself for awhile. Yet here we are as a couple in pursuit of a creative endeavor that incorporates and celebrates the things that we are both best at individually. There are even fewer people who can be part of something like that.
As I explained it to several people at Oasis tonight, Heather and I’s partnership and eventual marriage was borne out of the recognition of a pattern of mutually beneficial decisions and actions. To us, concepts like eternal love are irrational fantasies seated in the rationality of the human mind; pursuing them is akin to letting your conscience be commanded by a belief in heaven and hell—it allows imaginary ideas to take precedence over the human faculty of rationality.
In the past three years Heather and I have taken countless trips, published a cookbook, moved across the country, adopted a Doberman from a sandwich shop, had our Jack Russell become paraplegic, acquired a horse, and fought and laughed in between. Many things have stood in our way but none of them have stopped us. Our relationship withstands the things that come our way because we know we control our actions and that we will be there for our partner when they get in their own way.
To say that, “we don’t fight” is a misnomer and an oversimplification—we hold different opinions all the time, but it’s a matter of choosing when and where to dig our feet into the mud. It takes emotional will power to cede your pride in the name of the greater good of the relationship, but learning to govern your feelings in order to foster an atmosphere of trust, support, and honesty will always be worth it. There are times when I or Heather knows that the arena we have chosen to fight in is a waste of time or that we were not meant to share this same battlefield and we’ve learned that that’s OK. Our altercations are a matter of recognizing what works and what doesn’t, or what’s harmful and what’s helpful. It’s less of a fight and more of a concerted effort at honest communication aimed at understanding.
Through all of the fun and tears we strive to create love and act out of rationality and reason. It’s less exciting than the love stories we’ve been told and sounds less sexy than the hyperbole of unoriginal wedding vows, but it’s the closest thing to being human that I can imagine. If Heather and I love each other enough we will bring another human into a world where creativity, rationality, and reason are the concepts dangling above the crib, slowly spinning on a hand-stitched mobile as stubby, wrinkly fingers reach for the sky. Instead of pursuing imaginary fantasies we are writing our story one thoughtful camera click and pen stroke at a time.
Nihilism: The Teenager's Escape from Reality
3.27.18 - 5004 Cody Street ~ 9:10 AM MT
I’m starting to write at 9 today, which is a step in the right direction. Once I spend a few minutes or hours sucking at the teat of mindless information it’s difficult for my mind to focus and get back on track. When I first wake up my mind may be groggy but it’s the most clear that it will be all day.
Yesterday I helped a friend, let’s call him Mark, paint a room and we talked about everything from nostalgic video games (Link’s Awakening for Gameboy) to what animal we’d want to be reincarnated as (some type of bird). He talked about that he doesn’t have much time to do anything and the time that he does have he enjoys being by himself and gaming, proclaiming that he has “no responsibilities to anyone but himself.” At the time it seemed very appealing, carrying an air of total freedom, but I can’t help but think that it’s ironically one of the reasons he’s depressed. He often uses it as a rationalization for sleeping in until noon and he never applies himself.
I remember when I used to sleep in that late and I’d feel crummy. It was tough to feel good about myself when I wasn’t leaving the stamp of my uniqueness on anything on any given day. Floating through life is fine and all, but at some point I thought, “this is how you wake up middle aged never really doing anything.” Pleasure and leisure can only get you so far but fulfillment lies in a putting in a concerted effort at something that you don’t mind doing over and over again, improving upon it every time. When you sleep through the morning and coast through the afternoon, the only thing you get in exchange is whatever you’re dreaming about.
Heather helps me by pulling my productivity towards her end of the spectrum because that’s her default. It’s also why we’re good together: because we bring each other towards a happy equilibrium. Too much of anything is detrimental, just take either Mark or Heather by themselves—unhappy and caught in a cyclical pattern of what they know and what they feel comfortable doing. I could definitely use some work getting pulled to the side of productivity but I tend to think I hover more around the center than either of them.
Mark also lets his cynicism paralyze his action in the form of anti-capitalistic nihilism. He’s not wrong—it’s just too much for a human mind to carry with it, especially if you’re going to exist within the capitalistic structure and enjoy some of the luxuries it provides. Perhaps I’m too cut and dry or I’ve bought into the system as well, but when you hold beliefs as strong as him I think that you have to either separate entirely, removing yourself from participation in the system as much as possible; or you come to grips with the futility of overthrowing it, accept the benefits it awards you, and you try to combat it in the most productive way that you can as an unique individual. I don’t think he believes in some widespread Marxist revolution to overthrow the owners of the means of production (I used to) but I don’t see any value in nihilism. It’s like a teenagers way out of the existential crisis of capitalism.
My argument against nihilism is also the same one why I don’t harbor negative feelings towards people most of the time—because they don’t provide anything useful to me. When you do things in life that have no positive purpose you are essentially keeping your needle close to neutral, perhaps even tilting towards the negative side of things, and I believe life is more than that. You don’t have to achieve greatness, you don’t have to get a PHD or discover something new; all you have to do is try to leave the unique imprint of yourself somewhere everyday (with exception to intentionally hurting others), and try to err on the side of positivity.
The Existential Tug-of-War
3.21.18 - Various Locations ~ 1:41 PM -9:10 PM MT
I just got out of TIPS training and despite the fact that the trainer was nice, I still think that the whole thing is a racket. That being said, it was nice to clarify the accepted Colorado truths of hospitality: that you CAN serve someone without an ID and that the police CAN lie to you to entrap you. The process was pretty painless on the whole.
I followed it up with fries and a beer at Fate Brewing (highly recommend!) and proceeded to run five miles and climb for an hour at Earth Treks—my stomach felt somewhere between a washing machine and a college party—nonetheless, I powered through and managed to enjoy my calorie-burning.
I came home to eat the leftover Blue Pan Detroit-style-pizza (I say goddamn!) and watched a leaked video of Buffalo Bills wide receiver Zay Jones who was naked, trying to jump out of a 30th floor window.
Here comes the cliché, “athletes and celebrities are people too” that everyone says in unison when things like his happen. It’s sad that things have to come to this for us to remember the humanity of eachother. I think the core takeaway of what happened with Zay is that mental health is not to be taken lightly, and that we have to be careful choosing the lens in which we see the world. Who knows the way Zay has been looking through the glass but it’s clear that he’s hit a critical breaking point. This is just a reminder that our mental health should always come first because the human mind is too powerful to be taken lightly.
We don’t even know the extent of the capability of our brains yet we press forward with technology as if we can handle the perilous unknown that we are creating. There will always be nostalgia for a simpler time but the time we find ourselves in is scarily precarious. Our psyches are bombarded with information, temptation, and subversion almost every second of every day and we’re supposed to stay sane, confident, and working towards a worthy goal in life. Not to mention that the information we’re being fed is intelligently crafted to manipulate or affect our very sensitive psyches. Thus, it’s not a mystery when public figures meltdowns like this—the pressure for the average 21st century individual is enough—without the eyes of the world judging you 24/7.
For most of us in the western world we lead relatively simple lives even though we long for more. Part of it is our culture of rampant consumerism and entertainment, but the other is that the human mind seems to long for acceptance, notoriety, and accolade. We go to school, we find a job, and we hopefully find a partner and start a family and in between all of it time passes us by. We wind up climbing into our death beds wondering where the time went watching the reel of our regrets on repeat. I think that the human mind is confused, caught somewhere between the comfort of the simple and the ambition for innovation, getting yanked back and forth day-in-and-day-out in some sort of existential tug-of-war.
At least that’s how I feel sometimes.
That’s why I focus on happiness in the now, assuring that Heather and I hash out our inner workings to the best of our abilities. Our minds can be scary places and talking to others makes our own feel less alone. Sharing intimate stories and thoughts reveals to the world that we are alike even though our insecurities tell us that we aren't. Sometimes we need to silence the thoughts in our heads to let the words come from our lips to make us remember that we all suffer and that misery loves company.
Pain is inevitable in life, but the way we process and react to it, whether we share it or lock it up can make all the difference. The lens in which we choose to view the world determines the reality before our eyes; let it be tinted with the courage to share the pain that stirs inside you: first for the benefit of yourself; and second for the benefit of mankind.
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3.12.18 - Bean Fosters – Golden, CO ~ 11:06 AM MT
It’s weird how a letter on a typewriter feels more real than a note typed into a word processor. Something about the tangible ink slapped onto the page one neat character at a time that delivers finality to your words. Typing on a typewriter forces you to arrange your thoughts in real time, creating a sense of emergency that nudges your mind to move forward rather than laterally.
Once you organize the first few words of a sentence and you like them enough you put them down and you figure the rest out as you go. Before you know it your fingers are splashing all over the keyboard and little tiny metallic pangs are echoing throughout the room until a delicate chime rings to delay the creative symphony for a few seconds.
There is definitely something more present about typing on a typewriter. On a computer with WiFi your mind is being torn to the sides, “come hang out in the periphery of the Internet where you won’t have to work so hard,” it calls to us. But being lucid enough to arrange your thoughts with a focus where you can’t believe your fingers are actually moving with purposeful conviction feels like a submission to the magical creative element that eludes the amateur artist. It’s funny that returning to a more primitive, real technology can trigger the magic that lives inside of us.
As I type this in Word Processor, I am constantly fumbling my thoughts, going back into my sentences and reworking them, never allowing my mind to uninhibitedly flow forward. Real time editing grants me the godlike power to alter the creative process and assure that I don’t make any silly or clunky mistakes. The problem with that is that it interferes with the free flowing creativity that is necessary to any worthy piece of work. It would seem unnatural to see a painter go back over their work and erase a stroke of the brush. When a painter dips their brush into a palate and splash it onto a canvas they mean it; when I write on a typewriter, plucking at the keys, I mean it.
A real element is lost in the creative process when it lives in the electrons of a screen, separating our hands from our creation. It is a similar transition in social media where we immerse ourselves in a world of appearances, a world that feels real, but isn’t. It gives us this sense of partial familiarity because the importance of the real is lost in the robotic 1’s and 0’s of binary code.
There’s nothing wrong with waiting for creativity to circle back around, sitting in discomfort as it orbits your mental grasp, just like there’s nothing wrong with admitting to something painful that’s happened in your life on social media. But the electronic cursor that prods your mind, blinking in your face like a cruel mockery of your stagnant creativity is akin to the way that the world of positive appearances mocks your negative experiences. A refusal to accept the real thrusts your existence into a world of appearances that seeks only to satisfy surface level gratification, ignoring the deeper concepts of our lives that wind up plaguing our minds into a cycle of consumptive passivity.
Allow pain to enter your mind and let seeds of creativity take on some water before you abandon their growth. Simpler times seem nostalgic because our minds were more engaged, more responsible when we didn’t have crutches to carry us along in our lives. It’s hard to argue for the welcoming of pain into one’s life, so think of it as an invitation to the real; a return to experience rather than appearance, because experience is where we derive meaning from and in the end we all want to lead meaningful lives. Don’t let the electrons mock you into a passive life. Move forward, not laterally.
Happiness: A Focused Effort on Self-Improvement
It took me awhile to get in front of a keyboard today. I'm still putting up the same obstacles between me and my writing. A blank page forces me to come face-to-face with my potential and I sit and stare, like I'm waiting for a divine strike of inspiration. The thought of perfection paralyzes my hands and mind. The reality is that I just have to endure the pain if I want to be a professional writer.
I watched an interview with David Foster Wallace in an attempt to lure inspiration from the depths of my consciousness. It still saddens me that a man with so much intellect and insight into the human condition took his life. It saddens me to think about what else he could've contributed to the progress of humanity.
In the interview they spoke about the allure of drugs and entertainment and how they both provided a certain escape. DFW linked these concepts to the ideology of self-gratification that pervades U.S. culture, where this hedonistic pleasure-center is constantly fed. He touched on class as part of the problem as it is the privileged graduates holding Masters and Bachelors degrees that have the ability and affinity to engage in higher culture, while the uneducated are trapped in a cyclical poverty. Let's face it - the endurance and focus necessary to read stuff like Infinite Jest is going to lose 9 times out of 10, even in educated circles. The trick seems to be to expedite the transmission of self-developmental content in an engaging, inexpensive, and for lack of a better word, subversive manner.
A fulfilling life requires effort, discipline and thoughtful action, which are all products of self-development. The problem is that mainstream media undermines all of these. The passive satisfaction of our thoughts and desires renders the active life a laborious endeavor, devaluing the fulfilling process of work in favor of comfortable stupefaction. Work has been an adversary to humans for millennia, but its stigma has grown exponentially since the dawn of the industrial age.
What would the argument for a life of fulfillment rather than comfort look like? The Aristotelean aim was towards a happiness made possible by virtues like temperance, courage, friendship, honesty, etc. The world we live in now subverts these virtues in the name of capitalistic enterprise; which means that our current system of values stands in opposition to our actualization of happiness and fulfillment. We are given instruments enabling passive unhappiness and we are told that we are lazy, ungrateful leeches on the society. MAYBE if we were given empowering tools rather than those determined by economic and capitalistic ends, we would be a more effective generation!
This mostly sounds like entitled wishful thinking, but it's important for me to hash out these concepts. Self-development is critical for lasting happiness and we live in a culture that undermines it around every corner. Happiness and fulfillment require effort, discipline, and thoughtful action, which means that if want better lives, we need to make a concerted, focused effort on improving ourselves.