Dear Empaths

Apollo Fields | Dear Blank | By Terrence Huie | Dear Empaths | Writer

11 Mar 2022

“Dear Empaths,

Do you ever feel boxed in? Like you give so much of yourself that your own thoughts are locked in? It’s not that your partner, friends, or family are unsupportive but that by the end of the day you can’t bring yourself to explain much of anything? Emotionally empathetically exhausted.

For as long as I remember I’ve always put others before myself, even to my own detriment. My brain construction is such that I’d rather go out of my way to not inhibit someone else rather than impose my will. It’s a strange disposition given my confidence, but after having Capa it has become more of a problem.

The truth is that I feel guilty when I ask for something for myself. The selfish act feels immoral. Heather is always checking in to ask me what I want or Need and it’s been a real task to actually vocalize my desires. For the most part I’d rather suppress them and give Heather more reprieve from the biz or the many demands of motherhood.

I wonder if it comes from growing up in a big family. Lost in the numbers. By and lard we were want for nothing, but there were plenty of times when I wanted or needed something and I asked to no avail. At some point I just stopped asking.

Now I feel for others more than I feel for myself. I prefer it to be this way but I’m finding less in the tank than there used to be. The little inconveniences on the road that I used to shirk off are now profane mumbles. People seem to be in My way a lot more often. Is this the slow decline towards telling kids to get off my lawn?

I used to abide by the rule if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it. The world doesn’t need more gossip and negativity. But I’ve been slipping on that too—negative people should be, need to be ridiculed, I thought. But the peace that taking the high road and overcoming trivialities used to bring me is fading. How do you reconcile societal progress and peace of mind?

Patience is a strength like a silent creek, and the older I get the more I see hope as weak. I fight to be kind because I don’t want to see the day when the river runs dry.

Love,
Terrence”