Dear Discipline

Apollo Fields | Dear Blank | Dear Discipline | Terrence Huie | Writer

“Dear Discipline,

I fucked up, all right? I don’t know how many times I’ve apologized over the years, but this time I mean it. I’m gonna change. Give me 10,002 chance. I know this writing exercise was dedicated to you, but I’ll make it up. See? I’m already doing it by backdating this to the 14th! The old me would’ve just given up or skipped those days!

The reality is that I’ve never been ready for you, at least not in this way. We’ve always had this on-and-off-again relationship. I can handle you when it Really matters but once it comes to spending time with you when I don’t have to, well, there are just so many things I’d rather be doing. And i’m not always with Procrastination—I know you hate that bitch. Sometimes I just need my space.

The problem is the space I’m creating is only pushing me further away from where I want and need to be. With you; working together. I always feel so much more myself when  you’re around, it doesn’t make sense why I want to push you away. It all comes down to will power. And there’s so many things I’d rather be doing or places I’d rather be. I’m sorry if you don’t understand.

Most of my life I’ve taken the past of least resistance because it’s easier. I mean, it’s a biologically sound idea; you don’t see animals taking laps for the fuck of it. They eat, have sex, poop, and go to sleep. Its us humans who have ambitions and want to do something more in our lives. But a relationship with you is almost inherently superfluous after our basic needs are met. You are always the path of more resistance.

You’re a huge reason why I married Heather. You two have a great, albeit unhealthy thing going on. You always have. I always say the fun is on the extremes but you should always come back to center—well here I am—will you take my back?

Regretfully yours,
Terrence”