Planning a wedding can be stressful —especially if the cost is coming out of your own pockets
Planning a wedding can be stressful —especially if the cost is coming out of your own pockets!
Wedding etiquette used to be that the bride’s family shouldered the entire cost of the wedding and the groom’s family would cover the rehearsal dinner. The couple was only expected to pay for the gifts that they would exchange with one another and their wedding party… Well, it’s 2019 and we happen to think that this uber-traditional arrangement is a bit antiquated and unrealistic. According to WeddingWire, about 44% of modern couples are paying for the majority of their wedding themselves. At Apollo Fields, we probably see an even higher percentage of our couples footing their own bills and honestly, we think that’s super rad! We really “click” with the word hard / play hard kind of couples who are more focused on their weddings being a unique and sentimental experience rather than a trendy, over-the-top social affair.
QUOTE FROM A PREVIOUS COUPLE
Planning a wedding can be stressful —especially if the cost is coming out of your own pockets. Around every corner there seems to be an expense waiting for you; from bigger costs like renting a venue, catering, and stocking the bar, to unforeseen expenses like chair and table rentals, glassware and silverware rentals, and single-use items like decorations and stationery. That’s not even to mention services like a DJ or live band, the serving staff, and the totally unbiased, most important cost of your wedding: photography! Well, coming from a couple of industry-tested wedding photographers who have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, including the full planning and execution of our own wedding in October 2018, please heed our advice from one proud, professional couple to another!
Establish Your Priorities As A Couple
As soon as you post your engagement on social media, every aunt and uncle, sister and brother, mother and father, and friend will have an opinion on what your wedding should be like. Where you should get married, who you need to invite, what food you should serve and what music should be played. As you will see (or already have seen), the planning of your wedding can quickly become less about you and more about the people who surround you. Don’t forget that the biggest benefit of paying for your own wedding is that you don’t have to answer to anyone! It doesn’t have to be as cliché and rigid as “this is your day” or “this is the bride’s day,” of course you can listen to those closest to you for advice, but the fact of the matter is-- you’re paying for it--so don’t allow others to dictate the way you want to celebrate your love. Your wedding day is just as much a romantic symbol of your relationship as it is an opportunity to showcase its strength by making important decisions together. So take the time to sit down and hash out what’s most important to each of you individually, that way each of you feels represented in the atmosphere of your wedding day, from the decorations to the guest list to the dance floor.
Apollo Fields List of Priorities:
1. Location – Family hobby farm in Ramsey, NJ.
2. Guest List – Immediate family and close friends (tough to keep <100 guests)
3. Food and Beverage – Beer, wine, and N/A bev., whiskey/scotch room, homemade fresh pasta bar, salad, candy apple dessert bar.
4. Photography – Associate/friend of Apollo Fields.
5. Entertainment – Inexpensive but trusted DJ of family friend.
6. Décor – Mainly rustic tools from farm’s history, table cloths from amazon, glassware, dishware, and silverware from second-hand stores.
7. Rentals – Tables, chairs, portapotty.
QUOTES FROM PAST COUPLES?
Tackle One Thing At A Time
When you have to pay for your own wedding, you have to work the planning around your already busy schedule. The best way to do this is to start at the top of your list of priorities and work down one at a time. This way it is more manageable, enjoyable, and hopefully never becomes overwhelming. If a venue is at the top of your priority list, start there, and then determine your guest list as per different venue’s respective guest maximums; if the guest list is paramount, then start there and find which venues are best for your guest count. Leverage your priority list into the planning process. Take a weekend to hit a few venues, taste their food, and check out nearby towns and hotel accommodations. Over dinner at a restaurant, discuss who or what is not negotiable come wedding day. Let it be light and fun, it doesn’t have to be stressful! I still remember putting the playlist together for the DJ in our cottage in Colorado, laughing and singing to all of our favorite tunes. But bear in mind, get a start as far in advance as possible, as venues, DJs, and photographers become booked up as far as a year to two years in advance, and we all know the feeling of being in the mall the day before your significant other’s birthday, only to settle for a gift that doesn’t truly represent how much you care. Don’t let this happen for your wedding day.
Apollo Fields Planning Workflow:
1. Location - Heather and I planned trips to New Jersey from Colorado in advance of the wedding, purchasing things that wouldn’t spoil, measuring space as per rental table dimensions, and helping set up the property as much as possible.
2. Guest List - The guest list is a common battleground for couples. There are going to be those left behind. You can try to divide the count 50-50 but it’s never that cut and dry. For us, we began with what the space allowed, and then it was all about who was currently contributing something to our lives that made the difference.
3. Food/Bev. - Getting a Costco membership can save you tons. We shopped around for the best prices for whiskey, beer, and wine, and grabbed a package or two of non-alcoholic beverages.
4. Photography – This was obviously easy for us as it is right up our wheelhouse.
5. Entertainment – We prioritized cost effectiveness on this one, and a family friend who had good reviews online came at the right price and delivered (literally and figuratively).
6. Décor – We built these purchases into our trips to NJ from Colorado, and found things on Amazon that were much better quality and cheaper than renting from a wedding company.
7. Tables and Chairs – At first I wanted to build all of them. In the week leading up to the wedding. Yeah, I was over-ambitious. We rented them at a great price from a company that dropped off and picked up at the location. We also rented a portapotty, which was a funny conundrum getting stressed about where people were going to use the restroom.
Tangible Items vs. Intangible Services
Similar to creating a pros-and-cons list to help make tough decisions, separating costs into tangible items and intangible services can help clarify where you should direct the bulk of your time and budget. It’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole of designing your wedding to be the perfect, dream-like experience, all the way down to the way the napkins are folded, but to be honest, the quicker you depart from that pipe dream, the better. The reality is that something always goes wrong at weddings and the more value you put into each small detail the more you risk that stress eventually coming back on you when/if it doesn’t pan out. If you do have your heart set on a lavish extensive wedding experience, it can pay to hire a wedding planner, but if not, or they’re too expensive, we say cut the corners on immaculately matching silverware, dishware, glassware, and single-use items like decorations, invitations, wedding favors and the like. It will drive you crazy and the pursuit of perfection will make everything else seem imperfect. Instead, consider hiring a Day-Of Coordinator to take the stress off without breaking the bank. This is one of the biggest “I wish I had _____” feedback that we hear from past couples. Having a point of contact for the day to make sure things are running smoothly and on time will take the pressure off of you guys without maxing out your credit card.
MAYBE GET A QUOTE FROM A LOCAL DAY OF COORDINATOR HERE?
Invest in the things that people will remember: your beautiful ceremony in an historic barn, the tunes blaring from horns and reverberating from the strings of an electric guitar, and of course the photography that will capture all of these moments for you “to have and to hold” (see what I did there?).
(INDUSTRY SECRET: You wouldn’t believe how much cake goes untouched (and often thrown away) while your guests are tearing it up the dance floor. We say ditch the elaborate multi-tiered cake and direct the funds elsewhere. Dessert bars with cupcakes and cookies are great alternatives. Or think outside the box-- we had an autumn wedding so we went with bite-sized pumpkin pie nibbles and caramel apples).
Apollo Fields Tangible Items vs. Intangible Services Cost Breakdown
1. 70% Services: DJ, photographers, venue, staff.
2. 30% Items: Rented tables and chairs, second-hand silverware, avoiding glassware via bottled beer and large stock of wine glasses.
