Here's to 30 and Quite Possibly The Best Days of My Life
30th Birthday Reflections | Third Trimester Pregnancy Blog | Long Island Wedding Photographers | Apollo Fields Photography
Here's to 30 and Quite Possibly The Best Days of My Life
I remember waking up on the morning of Terrence’s 30th birthday in a cabin we had rented on top of a mountain in Colorado. He had woken up before me, and I went downstairs to find him sitting in a bay window, writing and drinking coffee. He wrote a blog appropriately titled, “Turning 30– Am I Where I Expected Myself To Be?” and now that I am turning 30, I find myself asking the same question.
Of course, my 30th birthday looks a little different than Terrence’s did a few years ago. We celebrated his birthday by venturing out into the mountains, spending the day with a few friends, going to some breweries, and then driving up to a trailhead in the middle of the night to hike to our cabin. We were guided by nothing more than our cell phone flashlights and good morale, but having the time of our lives.
When I look back on pictures from then, I can’t help but think that we look like such babies. We were engaged and planning our own wedding, living in Colorado, still figuring out each other’s place in Apollo Fields, and so full of adventure. We could have never predicted how the next few years would turn out: the ups and downs of moving back East, getting married, going through an ectopic pregnancy, traveling the country for weddings, running a small business during a pandemic, and eventually getting pregnant again.
But here we are – in a totally different season of life – and yet just as happy and optimistic as ever. We don’t look at things with the same carefree lens as we might have a few years ago, but we’re not jaded either. We have a little babe who will be here in just a few weeks, and even as I sit here typing this out on my couch I can’t help but think that each squirmy little kick is a surreal reminder that shit’s about to get real real.
So, as Terrence hashed out on his birthday, “am I where I expected myself to be” turning 30? Literally speaking, probably not; but figuratively speaking I think I am. I don’t think I would have imagined myself in a suburban Long Island home per se, but just about everything else adds up. I love that we are able to sustain ourselves with a business built on creativity and authentic connection, and the fact that I am able to do it with my husband is beyond fulfilling.
I feel a sense of pride for our marriage, for it is built on the pillars of open and honest communication but also contains a massive amount of silliness and zest for life. I love our animals and the quirky little adventures that we all take and I can’t wait to bring this little baby into the mix.
I will admit that I love this age for the gift to curate our circle of truest friends. There is something freeing about understanding who is an acquaintance and who is a lifelong friend, and to not carry any guilt around that distinction is a wonderful part of adulthood that just doesn’t seem to exist in your early 20s.
My relationship to family has evolved as well. Of course, building a family of your own will put you on the fast track to developing that understanding, but I think this chapter of life has also been so conducive to realizing the role that family can play in your life if you nurture it. Quarantine has brought a lot of us closer, especially Terrence’s siblings (all six of them!), and I feel especially grateful to have been able to bond more with both sides of our families during this year.
I think many of us experienced a collective sense of both connection and loneliness during this pandemic, and as I look ahead to the winter and what postpartum life might resemble, I anticipate a lot of those same emotions coming up. I’m not sure what the next few weeks, months, or years will look like, but I am looking forward to them.
I think turning 30 can bring on a crisis of ‘I haven’t done enough with my life so far’ for a lot of people, and while my default is normally to shortchange my own accomplishments, I think I’ll shift that mode of thinking into feeling a sense of calm-- not for the things I have necessarily worked for or earned, but for the gifts of stability and connection that I have from the people around me.
Cheers,
Heather