Apollo Fields | Dear Blank | Terrence Huie | Dear End of Vacation | Writer

31 Jan 2022

Dear End of Vacation,

There’s some things that keep me up at night.

Mostly regrets, things I should have done or people I should have kissed. Then there’s nights when I’m not quite sure while I’m still awake, buzzing, when most of the day I’ve been exhausted. But as I lay awake in our hotel bed on our last night in Aruba, it’s this image of Capa and I that pulled me out of bed.

For the past few nights I’ve been restless after Heather and Capa fell asleep.

I realize it’s because I haven’t been writing every single or every other day. The momentum, the mindset, the process of writing is something that my brain needs to feel sated. Otherwise when my head hits the pillow it explodes off into a million different directions.

So when I picked up my phone and I saw this picture, I decided to get up.

I decided to write a farewell post to this vacation because it felt luxurious. Because as Capa turns the corner on one this little pack is starting to feel like a family. For all of the overtired bickering, changing diapers, picking up toys, and loading and unloading the car seat–it’s a picture like this one that redeems it all. And even though vacation is almost by definition not about working, I needed to write something.

It feels amazing to dull the sounds of regrets in my last waking hours.

I’ve heard people partying downstairs every night and even though I laid awake I never felt like I was missing out, like I’m getting old. I am getting old! I guess I’m going full dad mode because once I look at this picture I know that’s the image I want to go to sleep with. And the life that Heather, Capa, and I are building is something I’m really proud of.

Stories of the past tend to haunt more than they heal. They linger like unwelcome guests.

And while I don’t ever see a time when they will go home for good, I feel them getting pushed down into the recesses of my mind. To make space for new things to lay awake with, not feelings of FOMO, or something I should have done 12 years ago, but creating new experiences with my family. And writing about them.

Love,
The Huies