Will I Still Be Grinding When I Turn 68?
Will I Still Be Grinding When I Turn 68? | Reflections on Retirement and Planning For Your Happiness | Apollo Fields
As I was picking up some lunch before shooting a wedding, the woman at the register asked a regular customer how everything has been since he wasn’t in the restaurant for about a week or so. He replied with a generic, “oh good”, then paused, “okay, I guess. I mean, things could be better”.
She was an older woman and unabashedly asked him, “How old are you?”
He goes, “Sixty eight. I’m getting old”.
She sort of snickered, “Sixty eight isn’t old… These are the best days of your life. The hard work is over. You can be retired and enjoy your life now”.
The man looks back, “I am retired. But not the way I want to be. Things didn’t really work out the way I thought”. Some silence continues before he tries to turn it into a joke again, “The only people who think I am young now— no offense— are old women”.
They laughed. She handed over his change, and he left.
It was a short conversation between two almost-strangers, acquaintances at best. But so much was said between the melancholy sadness and authentic laughter. The surface level lesson here is perspective: the “older” woman is envious of the “younger” man, although he no longer views himself as young.
On the deeper level, you have a man who is experiencing some sort of disappointment in a life that he views is past his peak. Things didn’t really work out the way I thought.
Damn dude.
I was a silent observer in this interaction, but couldn’t help wonder what their lives must be like. Could this be me someday? I’ve been thinking about retirement a lot from a practical, financial perspective but have spent less time planning for my own happiness. I sort of wove it into my career path and tend to consider it a given; given that things work out.
But what if they don’t? Nobody plans on being a callous surly crank by 68, right, we all envision ourselves on an Adirondack chair on the front porch of their house watching the sun set, holding hands with their spouse, surrounded by dogs. Lots and lots of dogs… (Or is that just me?)
Here it goes: THINGS MIGHT NOT WORK OUT. Or at least, they might not look the way they we originally envisioned. There’s a good chance that at 68, I’ll be grinding just as hard as I am now, cleaning up horse shit after dark, behind on emails, and beating myself up for not being good enough at something. I might never shake some of my own demons, and that’s okay.
Our culture is moving away from the retirement lifestyle that many of our baby booming predecessors are currently enjoying. We’re not going straight into the work force from high school and college is no longer a luxury, but an expensive prerequisite to a minimum wage job. We’re not buying houses at 23 years old and we’re not having 2.5 kids by 30. It’s just not happening.
We are paying student loans and we are negotiating multiple careers. A lot of people—like myself—are saying ‘no’ to the 9-5 commuter life in search of something that feels more sustainable, and ideally, has more meaning to us. If this “works out” for me, it will hopefully ensure some sort of happiness and sustainability that will be more fulfilling than my IRA alone and maybe keep me from bitching about my old haunts to a cashier at my lunch joint. Fingers crossed.
Photography: Apollo Fields
Location: Long Beach, NY
How To Run A Wedding Photography Business
Happiness in the Workplace: The Life of a Wedding Photographer
Apollo fields | Denver wedding photographer | New York wedding photographer | Wedding photos | Engagement photos | wedding writer
Most people don’t enjoy their jobs. Whether it’s the fluorescent lighting or the no windows casino approach to work environments, the tired early morning commute or the death by a thousand cliches like “happy wife, happy life,” working in the 21st century is at best and worst a dull sort of suffering. The intermittent good days make the job not quite bad enough to quit, and the benefits of a stable job outweigh childish millennial pursuits like happiness in the workplace. Lucky for us, we don’t have that problem.
Heather called me yesterday after her 4th wedding of the weekend (!!), and I could hear her smiling through the phone. She was beaming about being in the center of a 30-minute horah (Jewish wedding dance celebration) and reflecting upon how grateful she is to have an occupation that lands her in the middle of these powerful cultural traditions. Despite having no ties to any sort of religion ourselves, more often than not, we are educated on and included into these intimate spiritual circles rather than being forced to the perimeters and relegated to the role of outsiders. Take that “multicultural day” at the office!
This wedding season, Heather has already shot weddings in Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Colorado, soon to be Maine, and at the tail end of the season, Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Travel is part of our jobs and we’ve learned that there is love to be photographed everywhere! In the past, we’ve photographed weddings from the Dominican Republic to Quebec City, Canada, and we’re excited to the places our jobs will bring us in the future. Our ever-changing workspace keeps our eyes fresh and the hundreds of miles of open road keep our hearts for adventure well-fed.
That being said, the life of wedding photographers can be stressful and inconsistent. We don’t have work until we book it ourselves, making security and stability in our profession an autonomous responsibility of discipline and dedication. We don’t have windows in our office either, but that’s because the sun is on our shoulders; and we can’t hear cliches because we’re too busy dancing to the live band. Sure, it can be hard to keep the energy level high as the season wanes on, but every time it begins to fade there is a tear-jerking moment to bring us right back into the fold. I would trade the dynamic difficulties of our job for the static grinding of the human will that permeates office culture a hundred times over—because at the end of our workday—we’re growing towards love rather than withering towards retirement.
Grandparent Photography Ideas for Golden Anniversary Sessions
Betty & Hermann Wilckens | Grandparents Photo Session | Allendale, NJ | Apollo Fields Wedding Photography
66 years of marriage
We sat down with Mr. & Mrs. Wilckens to learn a little bit about life and love.
Elizabeth “Betty”, 94 years old
“He was polite, he had good manners.”
Hermann “Herm”, 93 years old
“She was a good looking woman”
They met in a bar when Betty was on a date with another man.
Hermann said she was sitting with “her boyfriend” and he just went over and started talking to her. They began dating shortly after.
Their Engagement
Hermann: I was working for an oil company and the boss asked me one time when I am getting married. And one day I came in with the truck and all, and he said to me “Here come on in my car, we’re going to a place”. He took me to a jewelry store and I didn’t even know where I was going. He stood there and I was standing there, and I didn’t know what was going to happen. And they come out with a tray of rings and he looked them over and he picked the one and he says, “Oh, how does this one look?” I says, “It looks beautiful”.
So he took it and we went back in the car and when we got back in the office he hands it to me and says, “Here you go. You’re engaged to your girlfriend”. And I told him, “I can’t pay for that! I don’t have that much money”. So he took a little bit every week out of my salary. I mean, it’s a hell of a way to do it.
They got married in 1953 at Sacred Heart Church in Lyndhurst, NJ and had the reception at JoJo’s, the same place they met. They took a week long trip to Niagara Falls for their honeymoon.
Elizabeth: He had a gorgeous car.
Hermann: I had a 1946 Buick Roadmaster Convertible. It was black; the picture is on top of the thing over there.
The Dairy Truck
Hermann: I started the trucking business in 1950. For 17 years I had that tractor and a couple of trailers in between. I had the business for almost twenty years and then had the Chevron gas station after. My favorite thing about it was when it was a nice day going through the country, especially Canada, beautiful sceneries along the Saint Lawrence river and I passed this big resort, Rivière-du-Loup. I went once a week and then I came back, but I couldn’t understand the French people right.
They bought their house in Allendale, NJ in 1958
And have been living there ever since.
Hippie Hill
Hermann recalls a time when he got in trouble for hanging out on “Hippie Hill”:
“I was at the gas station and I went up the tavern to get a six-pack. When I come out there. There was a couple of kids and all on top of the hill, they called it Hippie Hill. One hollered and said, “Come on up”. I went up there and they drank all my beer I had to go back to the tavern to go buy another six-pack. Betty passed and saw me up there and wanted to know what I was doing up there. Oh boy, she was mad. She hollered and hollered about that.”
They went on to have three children: Larry, Nancy, and Danny.
Their first child, Lawrence: “He was a good kid. Nice, very caring".
Elizabeth: Oh, and then when they brought me the wrong baby! I was in the hospital and there were only a few other women who were nursing and they brought you the baby at like 6:00am in the morning. Larry had a full head of black hair down to his shoulders and the kid they brought me was as bald as a cucumber! The hospital thought I was going to sue them. I said “No, it was the only laugh I’ve had all week!” And then the father came in that night and thanked me for feeding his kid.
Their second child, Nancy: “She couldn’t pronounce Nancy, so she called herself “DiDi”.
Elizabeth: She was very talkative. She didn’t talk until 18 months and then all of a sudden she talked and she never stopped talking. I didn’t think she’d ever talk. I always remember when I had her and the next day I was walking in the hall and the lady who saw me the day before, she saw me and she says, “God, didn’t you have that baby yet?” I was just as fat I guess!
Their third child, Daniel: “He was kind, very caring too”
Hermann: Well, Danny was cripple. He didn’t get around right. Most of his life was in the hospital. I felt sorry for him, boy I would have never wanted to go through what he went through. I remember when it was Danny’s birthday once, I even rented a pony for all of the kids to ride around on. He was a good kid.
Accidentally growing pot:
“I parked the truck and I was walking home. And when I got to the church I saw a little flowerpot, and I picked it up and it was a little stem cause part got broken off. So I picked it up and figured I’d take it home and put it under the birdbath, it would get water and it would get sun. Boy, that thing grew like a weed and I didn’t know what it was. Finally one day, Nancy and Larry told me what it was! I didn’t know…“
Candid Camera
“Well, I was trying on wigs and the guy saw me I guess. And I don’t know, I said one was particularly nice so he photographed me with the wig on. And then they broke the mirror and told me I had to replace the mirror. I got very upset and then they said, “You’re on candid camera!”
Photography: Apollo Fields
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To contact Heather to set up a grandparents’ session, click here
Apollo Fields: Let Us Tell Your Story
Apollo Fields Wedding Photography | Wedding Writers | New York City | Colorado
It’s officially launch day for Apollo Fields, Heather and I’s new photojournalistic approach to wedding storytelling! After working together on The Immeasurable Cookbook: An Ode to the Dirty Apron and countless weddings in between, our new installment, Apollo Fields, represents an extension of our brand, relationship, and ideology.
With a literal interpretation of photojournalism, Heather and I will work your wedding, capturing every moment in photo and word while we laugh and smile along the way. Equipped with an intimate understanding of how to communicate with others both professionally and personally, Apollo Fields is a wedding experience that turns your wedding day into the story it deserves, providing a creative and hospitable service available nowhere else.
Through creating The Immeasurable Cookbook and working on-site together, Heather and I have developed a love for telling stories. Whether it was writing our first recipe together or dancing in Chautauqua Park with one of our favorite couples, Alli & Dylan, we couldn’t get enough of putting onto paper the stories that make our lives worthwhile. Things come and go and people change, but we’ve learned that the way you feel at pivotal points in your life are the peaks of your personal story and they deserve to be more than fleeting memories. Apollo Fields is a wedding service that eases your mind on the day of your wedding and delivers a handcrafted memento that brings you back to it in the years that follow.
Invite us to your wedding and let us tell your story through the eyes of your loved ones. Allow us to help navigate your experience photo-by-photo and sentence-by-sentence until your cheeks hurt from smiling and your stomach hurts from laughing. When we arrive on-site we are less like vendors and more like family members, immersing ourselves in dance circles and listening to grandpa’s stories for the hundredth time. Our goal is to let you spend these precious hours floating about your family and friends, sharing stories and reliving the memories that are usually tucked in the back of your mind next to your dreams.
Don’t let planning, logistics, or traditions get in the way of the celebration of your love. Honor the people and institutions that have given you the smiles you wear today and don’t look back. Keep your eyes towards the future and the adventures you will embark upon. As for your wedding day – enjoy yourselves – and let us at Apollo Fields tell the story of your love.
