Let Me Tell You About Womanhood
International Women’s Day | Let Me Tell You About Womanhood
Photo by: Eden Photography
Woman.
Let me tell you about womanhood.
Teeth chattering coming out of anesthesia, the first thing I thought out of surgery was where is my baby? The baby that had died inside of me and then almost killed me – I asked to see it and the look on the chaplain’s face suggested that this was not a normal request. She obliged. It came in a cloudy plastic container with a big sticker on it that had my name, a bar code, and some medical jargon on the side. Terrence and I held it up into the light – squinty eyed – wondering out loud what exactly was what. I was able to make out two beady black eyes and felt a sense of pride: my body made that. That is womanhood.
I spent the next week arguing with the state about getting that baby back to bury it the way I wanted. I weeded through death certificates, permits, I became a funeral director, and I didn’t get my way. I lost that battle and I wept out loud from the bottom of my belly at the county mortuary with at least a dozen strangers watching me. I had to walk away from it. That is womanhood.
And then in that same week, I shot two weddings. I showed up when I had every reason not to because I wantedto. In my most broken moments, I was still a photographer and an artist and knew that was where I needed to be. I could still wear all of the hats because that is womanhood.
But that is only part of what it means to be a woman. I’ve been a woman when I have been called a bitch, when I have been called bossy, when I’ve been too stubborn for my own good. But you know what, I own my business and I am the boss, I get to be bossy. And sometimes I am too stubborn. But sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I am just stubborn enough because stubborn gets shit done and I like to get shit done.
Being a woman is about primal strength. We have it in our bones, it’s in our DNA and no one can take that from us. We can move mountains, we can build careers, we can choose to make babies – we can choose not to make babies. We can love; oh we can love so hard that it becomes impermeable. We can feel, we can fight, we can lift each other up and we should. We are women.
Enjoy these photos of my fellow strong women.
Photography: Apollo Fields
Dance Photographers in NYC Photoshoot Ideas
Katy Copeland | Your Body Should Be Your Greatest Lover | Passion Projects | Portraits of Women | Dancers | Apollo Fields Wedding Photography | Long Island, NY
Guest blog by Katy Copeland
Photography by Apollo Fields
My body and I used to have a tumultuous relationship. I would judge her and put her down and bully her for not being “correct” and pump her with drugs and alcohol to numb the insecurities and pain. Dancers develop some pretty severe psychoses. You bend and twist and starve and gorge and try to fit molds that are impossible and distorted and therefore wind up living in constant battles of not feeling worthy. At least, this was my experience. My body and I went to war. I disrespected her, treated her like shit, beat her down and was completely shocked that she wasn’t responding with my backwards and materialistic idea of beauty.
I met Heather during this time. About 5 years ago at a very delicate time when I self-proclaimed myself a feminist and was still wildly threatened by strong, powerful women . Cool… Having recently shaved my head for a performance gig, small parts of me felt liberated, larger parts unsuccessfully were hiding an immense amount of fear and self loathing. I became jealous of her instantly. Heather is confident without boasting. She is beautiful with zero effort. She is smart but not a know-it-all. She exudes grace with no judgement and she is vulgar yet still tasteful. How is that possible? My inner dialogue: “Fuck. I hate her. I want to be her.” It was madening.
Never did I imagine she would lift me up in times I needed most. Very quickly Heather became my family, my kindred spirit, a precious gem who wiped my tears, held me when I started to crumble, and taught me the true meaning of female friendship. She profoundly changed the way I viewed other women, but more importantly how I viewed myself for the better. Secretly, for better or worse (mostly for worse) I would always compare us. “Us” being all women. Over time, I stopped competing and started cultivating true love with all the women I am lucky enough to know. Heather is a pioneer and champion in my story and I am forever grateful.
So when I read recently that Heather was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy with severe complications my heart shattered. My body ached for her. It was rare that I ever saw her in pain and I felt it in my bones. The female body is magical with incredible vulnerability. Therefore, when our bodies take on trauma we instantly become stronger and grow three sizes compassion, depth and complexity. Our bodies are smarter and more resilient than ever and I am just starting to figure that out.
We set a fresh pasta dinner date (for she is the queen of homemade pasta) after she was post-op and comfortably back home in Long Island. A few days before, we agreed to snap some body shots of me while I was in town. Heather asked for my vision and without hesitation I told her that I was craving photos that are raw, bare, stripped down, unabashed and unapologetic. Like most, admittedly or not, I am constantly struggling to find my authentic self. Battling my bullshit ego and trying to halt myself when I start catering to what others want to see versus what I want to be. After the experience she just had I knew if anyone could help me find authenticity and mind-body connection it would be her. We would find it in each other.
This galley is what we created. By no means am I healed, or rehabilitated. But I am growing. I am learning. I am connecting deeper every day. My body and I are beginning a new journey. And the little voices inside my head are slowly becoming less of a bully and much more of a best friend. When my inner saboteur starts poking or prodding, I kindly and respectfully ask her to shut the fuck up. I am judging less and loving more and I trust my body will always know what to do. I just have to listen.
“Your body should be your greatest lover
for she is all you have.
It wasn’t until I started loving her unconditionally
that she began to respond.” —I wrote that.
They are my favorite two sentences I have ever written. That is the idea I wanted to capture with these photos, and girl… Heather did it in spades.
Family Photographer in Northport, NY
Sweet & Sassy | Leila’s Portraits at Crab Meadow Beach | Northport, NY | Long Island Photographer | Apollo Fields Wedding Photography
I just never get sick of photographing this cutie! I have been doing her pics since before she was born, and ever since then. I’ve done Nikki and Leila'’s maternity, fresh 48, 6mo, 1yr, and so on every chance I get! Even though we specialize in weddings, I love taking on the occasional family and kiddo. Leila is such a bright light, a sassy and sweet little girl who I just adore.
It was cold and windy at Crab Meadow Beach, but the light cloud coverage was great for photos. Leila only had about five minutes threshold for the chilliness (I couldn’t blame her, I wouldn’t have wanted to pull my jacket off either) so it was up to us to get as much of her personality out in just a few minutes). Leave it to this little girl though, because she gave us the whole spectrum — her curiosity, playfulness, quick witted little personality just beamed.
My favorite was when I was trying to keep her attention and get her engaged, and I said, “Leila can you give us a smile” and she just goes, “RAWR! I’m a monster!” Hahahaa she gave us the biggest smile right after doing a playful monster and then threw her hand on her hip and posed her pants off. What a ham!
Leila’s mom, Nicole, is a dietician and works at Memorial Sloan Kettering as well as managing her own brand, Worksite Wellness. She just published her own cookbook, The Truly Healthy Pescatarian and we were lucky enough to snag our own copy when she came out for the session! We love chatting about all healthy eating and nutrition and of course, doing anything with Leila!
Photography: Apollo Fields
Location: Crab Meadow Beach, Northport NY
New York Wedding Photographers on Long Island
New York City Wedding Photographers | Colorado Weddings | Apollo Fields Photojournalism | NYC Photography
“Did you guys miss New York?”
This is one of those questions we have been asked by everyone since moving back East. And it’s a good question, but the answer is complicated… When we moved to Colorado in 2016, we were veryready to move. But it wasn’t because we hated NYC, it was just time. It was time to be in nature and time to be in an unknown place together. Big moves like that can make or break a relationship, and for us I guess we got lucky.
When I first moved to New York City a few years before that, I barely knew anyone and the people that I did know were in different boroughs. Despite always having the city close by, the UWS was as much of a mystery to me as if I had moved to Los Angeles by myself. I learned a lot about myself in that first year while I was getting my MA and living in a tiny studio apartment on 105thStreet. It was just me and Riddle, a mini fridge, an oven that leaked Carbon Monoxide, and a sort-of-view of the Hudson River if you hung your head out of the prison-sized window.
I was still living in that death trap of an apartment when I met Terrence. I was riding out my lease before moving farther uptown, but I can still remember one of our first dinners together there. We were eating on the couch because I only had one dining room chair and Terrence was cautioning me about how he didn’t eat onions, fish, tomatoes, etc. I had no idea how to feed such a picky eater, so I just went ahead cooking like I normally did anyway. How far we’ve come since those days.
For as much as I learned about myself being single in NYC, I think we learned as much about each other when we made the move to the mountains together. We had very few connections in CO when we first moved and had to learn how to lean on one another in ways that we hadn’t before. Even though we had lived together in New York, we always had additional roommates (such is life in Manhattan). We had a very familiar neighborhood in New York filled to the brim with drinking buddies, walk-able pubs, and enough libations to stay busy until 4am any time we felt like it.
We landed in Colorado and everything quieted down. We only had each other and our little cottage. We found ourselves less intrigued by urban life and much more content hanging at a local brewery in town with a couple beers and a board game. We got bikes and went hiking, we spent afternoons at the dog park and evenings cuddled up on our couch. Life was good and it was hard to miss NYC at that time.
We were still flying back East multiple times a year for weddings and holidays. We were always happy to come back to familiar faces and good ethnic food. Distance helps you weed out the drinking buddies and bring family to the surface, or at least that was the case for us. Don’t get me wrong, we can still throw back a few shots at a dive bar, but suddenly, we were more interested in making a push for spending time with our siblings instead.
Our decision to move back was multidimensional. We are looking to buy a farm to turn into a wedding venue and the numbers just weren’t adding up in Colorado. The real estate market there was pretty volatile: we were part of a huge boom of fellow transplants making the Rocky Mountain move and we got in too late. By the time we were ready to look at properties, everything was selling above already-high asking prices. Zoning was a nightmare, and anything with a mountain view was just plain cost prohibitive. With the average all-in price of a CO wedding coming in at $26k and NY suburbs at roughly $65k+, we weren’t about to take that kind of business risk just to keep our beloved mountains in our backyard.
So as you all know, at the end of September we packed up our little cottage into our Highlander and drove back East. Animals and cameras in tow, we hit the ground running—getting married, wrapping up busy season, and honeymooning in Jamaica while settling into a new house. We are finally slowing down (but not for long).
We’ve moved into a cute yellow house in East Northport, five minutes from Terrence’s dad and stepmom. We went from a 550sq foot cottage to a real house, which after a few Salvation Army raids is beginning to feel like a home. We are living well by Long Island standards: fenced-in backyard, walking distance to the LIRR, and a ten-minute drive to the North Shore.
Despite being an hour train or car ride from the city, this is a very different lifestyle than when we were actually living in NYC. We are very much in a commuter / family town. The delis and pizzerias are good, but that’s about it in the way of local flavor and small town charm. It is nice to be closer to family again. We have been into the city a few times and it’s been great. We hit The Whitney for the Andy Warhol exhibit and gorged ourselves on international food. We ride the subways like nothing has changed, and traversed up and down the blocks with the sharp cold air lingering on our cheeks.
New York will always be our city, even though if we’re being honest I don’t think I’ll ever live in it again. It doesn’t fit our lifestyle, business trajectory, or relationship anymore. In a perfect world, we won’t be on Long Island for very long, either. We would love to end up on a farm in Bucks County PA or upstate NY. We have big dreams of hosting weddings, homesteading, and photographing more and more amazing couples. We envision an old barn, a big fireplace, chickens and kiddos running through the fields, and a labor-of-love property that gives us as much as we give it.
So the short answer is, yes we missed New York but we also miss Colorado. We like walking through museums as well as walking up mountains. We love our family here and love our friends in CO. We miss the big western skies and the “300 days of sunshine” that we got so used to. But we’re glad to get a decent bagel again. We are lucky because we get to experience such a range of landscapes, and because of our business, we don’t have to choose one or the other. We get to go back to the Rockies for work and play, and in the meantime we are stoked to start to look to the future to find the quirky farm venue that will turn into the biggest passion project we’ve taken on so far.
Riddle: Everyone's Favorite Gimp
Riddle: Everyone’s Favorite Gimp, Apollo Fields | Jack Russell Terrier | Handicapped Dogs | K9 Carts
Riddle
He's just one of those dogs that you meet once and never forget, for better or for worse. Riddle is a terrier to the core and about as stubborn as they come. He is an ass-kicker and despite the fact that he doesn't have a single straight leg to stand on, he has no problem defending his honor (or at least the little bit that he has left)!
After about the hundredth time of me asking a prospective client [in regards to photography], "Do you have any questions" and having them respond, "Do you have a dog in a wheelchair?", I finally felt like it was time for Riddle to get his own blog post.
My personal favorite was a mom who once told her daughter, "If you ever get your act together and find somebody who will marry you, Heather needs to be your photographer because she has a dog in a wheelchair". I never knew he would be such a show-stopper, but here's how it happened:
Where it all began:
I got Riddle on August 1, 2012. He was still a tiny puppy, but his take-no-prisoners personality was already well established. He was my little farm dog, barn-hopping all day with me while I went around doing my training rides.
Riddle moved from New Jersey to NYC with me, and eventually to Colorado. He has traveled to numerous states on camping trips and adventures. In a lot of ways, he has been one of the few constants in my life since I got him six years ago. Riddle was my cat-loving fiance's first experience with dog ownership, which makes all other pups look like a walk in the park to him.
He was also my first terrier that I have ever owned. I grew up with well-behaved Dobermans who are sensitive, caring, and loyal. Let's just say those qualities are not hardwired in the terrier's brain. His personality challenges mine in the worst of ways sometimes. He is stubborn and opinionated, ruthlessly alpha, and entirely unaware of his size and limitations. We are not unalike. Oftentimes, when I am mad at him, I realize that I am just arguing with myself, which is both humbling and infuriating.
The Spinal Stroke:
Riddy suffered from a Fibrocartilagenous Embolism (FCE), commonly known as a Spinal Stroke in 2016. Essentially, he had a stroke-like event within his spinal cord, and everything below that point was deprived of oxygen and led to paralysis in his hind limbs.
I had never heard of this until the day it happened. There are no warning signs with FCE and we were totally unassuming the morning we woke up to Riddle dragging his butt on the ground. After numerous vet visits, puppy acupuncture sessions, and even doggie reiki, Riddle has a great quality of life. Nothing makes me more upset than people assuming that he is limited by his condition. I literally had a stranger walk up to me and my dog once in Breckenridge and tell me that I needed to "put him down because I was torturing him". Little did she know that he is the one torturing me!
People have tons of questions about Riddle and his disability, so I figured I'd answer a few of the common ones:
"Is he in pain?"
Riddle has no pain associated with the spinal stroke. As the sensation comes back in his hind limbs, he will go through spells of pins-and-needles, which annoy him, but aren't actually painful."Will he ever walk again?"
He does walk independently, sometimes! This is actually very frustrating for us in terms of his rehab because every so often out of the blue, Riddy will just get up and walk across the house. Let's be clear though – it's not pretty – but he does walk. Unfortunately, walking requires him to slow down, which is not in his vocabulary. So a lot of the time he will simply choose to hulk himself around on his front legs.
As for the future? Time will tell... Dogs that suffer from FCE range from permanently disabled to completely recovered. The good news is he has made remarkable progress in terms of his reflexes and ability to bear weight on his legs. Now just to convince him to actually SLOW DOWN and focus!
"What kind of dog is he?"
He is technically a Hunt Terrier, which is basically the black-and-tan Jack Russell. They are bred to be little killing machines, and will become easily obsessed with anything they believe should become prey. They also have an unbelievable threshold to pain and are not afraid to get injured in the perceived line of duty."Did the stroke make his front legs crooked?"
Nope, he was born that way. The trait is desirable in small doses because it helps the dog get to ground more easily while hunting. Riddy ended up with an extreme version of this splayed leg physique and luckily doesn't bother him, although he will probably be arthritic on his front in his old age. Suffice it to say that he has bigger fish to fry in terms of his disabilities, though."Where did you get his wheelchair?"
Our wonderful vet recommended K9 Carts and it has been a lifesaver! These carts are totally custom built and can be adjusted as your dog strengthens and begins to walk independently. Riddy's cart allows him to still come on walks and hikes without slowing him down one bit. He still needs to be on the leash in his wheelchair because he is fast enough to run away from me in hot pursuit of a squirrel."Is dog acupuncture really a thing?"
Yes, and I swear it works. I don't really care how crazy that sounds. Perhaps it is just my way of justifying all of the money I have spent on it, though..."What do other dogs think of his wheelchair?"
Sometimes it gets in the way when he tries to play or wrestle with other dogs. But mostly, it is just his attitude that gets in the way. We affectionately call him "The Sheriff" because of his self-appointed patrolling duties and his need to break up every other interaction at the dog parks. In fact, the town Sheriff once gave him his own badge... #truestory
Photography By: Apollo Fields
Clean & Classic: The Importance of Timeless Wedding Photos
Hey guys! Heather here...
It's a balmy -2 degrees F here in Denver, so I'm calling it a snow day and have gone ahead and rescheduled all of my clients (trust me, it's no fun being outside in this weather).
Snow days used to be highly anticipated events, huddled up in bed watching the flakes falling from the window, listening to the radio station with your fingers crossed, toes crossed, pajamas inside out, and any other superstition that you thought might help the chances of your school being announced on the list of cancellations.
But now, twenty years later, I don't get that same luxury. Being a business owner means that you have to be the one to make those calls, and it's not always as easy as just wanting to stay in your sweats all day drinking hot chocolate and watching movies.
Clean & Classic
It seems that the wedding photography world has been dichotomized into two categories and photographers are pressured to define themselves as either "dark & moody" or "light & airy".
Now, don't get me wrong... I personally love both of these styles. I frequently find myself scrolling through the work of some of these masters envious of their well-crafted brand. As for myself, I know how-to and can shoot "dark & moody" as well as "bright & airy" while still properly exposing for my subjects. Sometimes it is fun to play around and push my own artistic boundaries, it keeps my eye fresh and it a fun challenge.
But I think there is a risk involved in subscribing to trendy editing techniques and why I shy away from them: they will one day be out-of-style. I would hate for someone to look back at photos I shot of someone's wedding and go, "eek, that's so 2018".
Let's all take a moment to remember when super-desaturated photos were in, or the all black-and-white except one color splash was considered artsy; circa early 2000's. Or a real life example: My parents got married in the '80s and let's just say their wedding photos are "so 1980's". Sepia-washed prints and shoulder pads. Oh my god, so many shoulder pads.
This is why if I had to categorize myself, I will confidently say "clean & classic". I want you to look back at your wedding photos and love them ten years, twenty years, and fifty years from now. I don't want your kids laughing at them. I mean, they can laugh a little, because that's what kids do, but it should stop there. I want to give you timeless photos that withstand the test of trends, fads, and increasingly savvy technology.
Here's a fun one: we have such a great time with our grooms and want to give them the attention they deserve. This photo captures our groom at a very flattering angle, but shows off his personality – fun and easygoing – to give it some uniqueness.
Another classic photo that I love. My couple is so happy in this moment and the photography stays really true to the season, their decor, and the overall mood of the day. Even though it is posed, it doesn't feel forced. I love when something feels candid even if it's not.
I love this photo because it has beautiful soft and warm light. There is still a lot of emotion, and yet in some ways it is also a classic bridal portrait. As an artist, I want to keep my viewer's eye on the image which is exactly what you get here.
It’s okay to not perfectly fit into either the “Bright and Airy” or “Dark and Moody” Categories
I love when I am building out my albums and I feel like I can re-live the entire day. Depending on the season, weather, venue, dress, florals, and other design and natural factors, there will be some variation in my photographs... and I think that's a good thing! I don't want my couple's to ever feel like they are just being plopped into posing placeholders, trying to replicate some picture they found on Instagram. I want uniqueness and storytelling, without compromising correct exposure and composition.
I think the mark of a true artist is to have your work become distinctive enough that the viewer no longer needs a signature or a watermark to know who created it. For me, I prefer not to categorize my work into somebody else's style. I would say "clean & classic" if I had to label my work, but in some ways that feels boring. Even the word "timeless" can begin to stale. My photos aren't stale or boring, and I am constantly searching for new ways to craft my art into true storytelling and bold narration. That is my pledge as an artist to all of my clients and viewers alike.
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