Terrence Huie 11/15/22 Terrence Huie 11/15/22

Oliver Lin Stephens Huie

“We give birth the way that we live.”

-Our midwife, Michele, East End Midwifery Services

For us—that means having a plan. That means a checklist, a Gcal invite, probably a meeting, and a few back-and-forths. That means gathering a support team, establishing contingencies, idea visualization and manifestation. Focus on intention. What do you want? Then it’s onto logistics and their eventual execution. When it all goes well it feels like the stars are aligning—but when they don’t—we never get swallowed in the darkness.

The Last Total Lunar Eclipse of 2022

For months, the full-moon total lunar eclipse on November 8th, 2022, has been on our calendar. It was a hopeful hypothesis that Oliver would be born in the early morning before the sun followed the blood moon. This is when the tides would be at their strongest and Heather’s due date was only four days later. Well, on November 7th, I woke up to the low hum of Heather moaning, eyes closed, with her head and neck arched back on a pillow. She didn’t even have to say it out loud—I knew she was already in labor.

Doula to the Rescue

A few days before Heather went into labor, our dear friend and local doula, Nancy, informed us that she took a spill down a flight of stairs and sustained a series of injuries including a concussion. A two-hour commute to our house was probably not advisable. Coincidentally, the very next day, our friend Lindsey who lives in Colorado reached out and said that she was interested in flying out and offering her birth photography and doula services if we needed it.
Lindsey’s flight arrived at La Guardia at noon on November 7th.

“A Certain Nocturnal Visitor”

Before Heather went into labor with Capa she said that she was not going to have him during the day. Maybe it’s because sunlight reminds her of work and she can’t work when she’s having a baby, or maybe she’s a vampire. Either way, he was born at night. So after I picked up Lindsey for Oliver’s birth and we told Michele that Heather was in labor, we knew that there wasn’t much urgency given the duration of her contractions and how far apart they were. No matter what we’d be waiting for nightfall.

Active Labor with a midwife

Around 5:30 pm, with Lindsey, Michele, and her assistant, Noelle, in place I could really sink into my support role. I patiently waited all day for Heather to invite me into her space. It started with a hand; to hold, clench, and steer towards pressure points. It evolved to a rebozo and gentle massaging. Then for the next few hours Heather and I would remain close, our bodies and arms wrapped around each other as we hummed and moaned. She eventually told me to stop moaning along. I listened.

Transition

Heather climbed into the tub around 10:30-11pm. I remember thinking that Oliver might arrive before the day is over. Heather requested that we put on Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers by Kendrick Lamar and I was amazed that she was still fully tuned in and communicative, swaying her body to the beats in the warm water. At this point during Capa’s birth she had already gone inward to manage the pain. After the first song or two, she invited me closer, pulling my head next to hers, and we closed our eyes and moved together. I remember smiling.

Capa

We put Capa down hours earlier around his normal bedtime. We all cuddled in our king-sized bed as he drifted away to the sounds of his favorite movie, Sing 2. He woke up periodically throughout the night and I would take leave to get him back down. The last time he woke up was around 2 am, when Michele came to the stairs to call me back down. “Heather wants you here, you can bring Capa.” And so for the next 20 minutes Capa and I looked at Heather as she beared down.
Nothing makes you feel smaller than watching a woman give birth. All sense of machismo, bravado, and hubris melts away into admiration—into witnessing what true strength looks like.

A Round of Applause and Fist Bumps

Immediately after Heather gave birth to Oliver, Capa began to clap. Like literally. He then went up to give Oliver a fist bump, followed by the whole support team, one at a time. What a guy.

The Plan

From the outside in, we got lucky with our 2nd successful home birth. We somehow avoided all of the many pitfalls of labor and delivery. But that’s not the way we see it. We see the plan: the meetings, the support team, the contingencies. We see how we put ourselves in a position to succeed by making decisions by following our collective minds and hearts.

We saw how all the stars began to align so we put our jackets on and took a good look at that giant, copper-colored full-moon.

So at 2:33 am on November 8th, 2022, when Oliver Lin Stephens Huie came into this world, it was not because we were lucky.

It was because we aligned our own stars and created our own constellation.

We gave birth the way we live.

Terrence Huie 12/17/21 Terrence Huie 12/17/21

Capa's First Birthday

Happy Birthday to my beautiful son, Capa, my constant reminder of how everything we experience in this life is relative. My previous 32 revolutions around the sun should’ve made the 33rd just another spin around the old block—but you have made every turn around the corner feel anew. Every week and every month you blew past a milestone like a road marker on a never ending highway. I’ll always remember the first time you opened your eyes in the bright winter light shining through the window, your eyelids creaking open like a pair of attic doors. How your smile has changed from a gummy smirk to your best impression of Michael Jordan with your tongue out, to a brief hillbilly phase, and now a hungry shark. The cliches and adages come true one at a time and the best I can do is watch in awe.

I can’t help but think of the way I am going to screw you up in one way or another, knowing full well that it is an inevitability. Every time I hold your hands to help you walk I flip through a rolodex of life advice in my head, finding fault in almost every single kernel. I can already see us playing catch in the backyard as I start in on a forced aphorism: “Well son, life is about balance–but not too much–because the real fun is on the extremes–but make sure you always come back to center–or at least try to, because nobody likes a square.” Then as we continue to chase mom around the house you let out a squeal–a release of an overabundance of joy and excitement that you simply can’t contain any longer– and I realize that parents are just people doing the best that they can do.

My childhood as one of six children in a household with divorced parents resembled a chicken coop more than it did a home. We all wandered around aimlessly, trying to find a direction or something to eat–yet here we are–years later and we all survived and turned out to be self-sufficient, albeit very different adults. Not a single one of us got nabbed by life’s proverbial hawks. So it’s hard for me to say, given my sibling’s similar circumstances, the best way a person can be an effective parent. The free-range method has seemed to work out for the Huies.

I can safely say that I will have more of a presence in your life than a chicken handler, Capa, even if it is at whatever cost that I cannot predict. It is our responsibility as parents to raise our children in the positive ways that we weren’t as kids with the hope of “giving them a better life than we had.” This is not to disparage my roots, my parents, or my childhood, all of which I am grateful for, but rather to gain clarity on what effective parenting will look like for my relationship to you.

I hope that the amount you have grown in your first year creates a trend in your life, Capa. Not one borne out of mammalian physical necessity but one that reminds you when you’re my age that a plateau is your worst enemy. After the age of 30 people jokingly say that they stop counting. I admit that at times I have gotten lost in the years, but thanks to you, my beautiful little reminder, I’m going to start again with one.